I Miss My Mother by Ahlam Toma

Most people in their lives adore someone or take someone as a role model. Some people consider their role model a teacher, celebrity or one of the political figures. The person I think most affected my life is my mother. As we know, the mother’s role has been mentioned in history since evolution. No one can really ignore or deny the role of the mother. A mother is the heart of the family. She is the one who brings us to this life and cares for us even when we are adult. The role of the mother is not only recognized by the family members but also by the society as whole. A mother has tremendous impact on society. The great things we observe in our societies are all the results of the role of the mother. The mother provides great care to children and makes sure they become successful individuals in their lives. Besides these roles, the mother also contributes in bringing income to the family. This conveys to us a clear message that a mother is an important person and has a great value in the family and society as a whole.

If I want to talk about my mother, I can write pages and it will not be enough. She passed away almost five years ago at age 64 due to acute renal failure. Her death was traumatic to me and my family members, and it affected our lives enormously. I do miss her so much and she is constantly on my mind. What makes me miss my mother? I miss my mother because she was a great person; she possessed unique qualities and she was a role model to everyone, especially me.

My mother was a great person in many aspects. She had a high tolerance when it came to difficult situations. For example, my father was transferred to another city for a new teaching job, and he could not take the whole family with him. My mother was able to manage the whole family on her own in the absence of my father. She was a hard-working person, especially for a big family like mine. My mother did not work outside home due to the large size of our family. She spent most of her time at home to manage her daily tasks. She cooked, cleaned and cared for the children. Managing a family like ours was a job by itself; she was always on top of everything, and she was able to provide all the care we needed. She was able to manage 10 children who were each two years apart. She made sure that each one got education and she was able to fulfill their needs.

Another example that made my mother so great was her wisdom. Although she did not have high education, she was able to play the role of family counselor and even to help people with their family problems. People often came to her for advice, and she was able to give it. Although she did not have any certification or degree, people came to get a piece of advice. In a country like Iraq, it was traditional that people went to someone they trusted, and they believed that person was the most qualified for this type of service.  

My mother also possessed unique qualities. She was honest, loving and a great cook. She was an honest person in her life, which made her personality stand out in her society. I remember one time I went shopping with her. After purchasing some clothes, the cashier gave her extra change back. My mother was honest to the cashier and returned the change. One of the other unique qualities was that she loved everyone in the family equally. She really taught me the true meaning of love and how love can improve relationships. I remember every time my siblings and I went to school, she gave us a hug and a kiss. At night before we went to bed, she did the same thing. As we all know from psychology books, this type of behavior between the mother and a child strengthens the relationship and also creates those strong bonds between them. I acquired such a quality and I apply it in my life with my family. My mother also was also a great cook. She used to cook so many delicious foods. One of her dishes that I liked was potatoes patties. She used to make those from scratch. Basically, she made them from homemade mashed potatoes. She shaped them into dough, filled them with cooked, flavored ground beef and then fried them. I learned from her to make so many different foods and became a great cook myself. Every time I make these delicious foods, I remember my mother and miss her more.

The other aspect that makes me miss my mother was her being a role model. She was a caring person who brought comfort to the whole family. My mother cared not only for us but also for my father's parents who lived with us. I remember my grandfather had surgery and he was sick for a long period of time. The surgery did not improve his sickness and left him in a wheelchair for 10 years until he passed away. The only person who really provided complete care was my mother, who was like a nurse for him. She used to feed him, give him his medications, bathe him and did everything he needed. I lived with my mother-in-law for many years. While I was living with her, she became ill, and I took the role of caring for her. This brought the memories of when my mother was caring for my grandfather. The skills I learned from my mother gave me the courage to pursue a nursing career.

I also learned from my mother to be patient with others. For example, one day she went to an event and she took us with her. It was a big crowd in that hot summer. One of my siblings was crying without stopping. Although she had many children with her, she was able to handle this situation successfully by taking my sibling to the side, away from the crowd, and tried to breast feed him. At the same time, she told my elder sibling to watch us while she was caring for the baby. Furthermore, I learned from her to be a great mother myself by being patient with my own kids and other people around. This helped me to learn how to tolerate difficult situations in my life. Even before getting married, I learned how to take care of a big family. I was able to apply these skills through my married life and made me become as good as she was. All these things I learned made me consider her as my role model.

In conclusion, my mother’s death left a huge gap in my life; however, she left powerful memories I cannot forget. The qualities she acquired gave her a unique personality. Furthermore, my mother was a role model to every one of us in the family, including myself. The qualities I learned helped me to be good mother like my mom. The insight I gained after this life experience was great. Although she lived in a different country, I was still influenced by her. I always learned new things from her. After I got married, I came to America; I did not see my mother until 13 years passed. During that time, her spirit always lived in me and inspired me for the rest of my life. I really do miss my mother.